I can't catch a breath nowadays. I have this overwhelming fluster about people. They are everywhere. One person keeps on texting me Good Mornings and Good Nights. The other just keeps on asking me to do stuffs. Some just keep asking how am I doing, what am I going to do, this that, this that. Grrrrr. OK. It wasn't that bad but I can't handle people right now. They are too many and I felt like running away from the mass. But I simply can't. So what do I do? I read. Yes. I read a lot. Ironic how this one is the most busiest but I have time to do so. Reading to me has become an escape rope. To be honest, always have. Even my choice of movies has moved to Fantasy. I love how unknown worlds actually exist, though just in movies, I'd prefer to say they do. Rewatching LOTR: The Two Towers made me want to live in it. No. I want to be in Stardust instead. If I were in it, I shall be with the pirates catching lightnings. Sailing and flying, I'm in wanderlust. But yes, with one condition, no human, please. But then, how do I manage a ship without a crew? Heh.
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October 22, 2015
October 4, 2015
Rindu
Buat sekalian kalinya, aku rindu ruang ini.
tempat aku memuntahkan buah fikir dan rasa yang terperangkap.
Aku fikir aku boleh hadap semua bising-bising dunia virtual tapi ini tempat terbaik aku untuk merasakan enaknya sendiri. Aku rindu sendiri. Aku rindu berkata tanpa ada yang mengadili. Aku rindu menari-nari di ruang luas sebegini, Aku harus akui, terlalu terikut dengan keasyikan ruang kecil itu. Tapi sejujurnya apa yang dapat aku lunaskan dalam 140 patah perkataan itu, mahupun dalam sekeping gambar itu? Tiada.
Jadi, aku kembali ke sini.
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tempat aku memuntahkan buah fikir dan rasa yang terperangkap.
Aku fikir aku boleh hadap semua bising-bising dunia virtual tapi ini tempat terbaik aku untuk merasakan enaknya sendiri. Aku rindu sendiri. Aku rindu berkata tanpa ada yang mengadili. Aku rindu menari-nari di ruang luas sebegini, Aku harus akui, terlalu terikut dengan keasyikan ruang kecil itu. Tapi sejujurnya apa yang dapat aku lunaskan dalam 140 patah perkataan itu, mahupun dalam sekeping gambar itu? Tiada.
Jadi, aku kembali ke sini.
September 23, 2015
Driving toward the Lac Qui Parle River
BY ROBERT BLY
I
I am driving; it is dusk; Minnesota.
The stubble field catches the last growth of sun.
The soybeans are breathing on all sides.
Old men are sitting before their houses on car seats
In the small towns. I am happy,
The moon rising above the turkey sheds.
II
The small world of the car
Plunges through the deep fields of the night,
On the road from Willmar to Milan.
This solitude covered with iron
Moves through the fields of night
Penetrated by the noise of crickets.
III
Nearly to Milan, suddenly a small bridge,
And water kneeling in the moonlight.
In small towns the houses are built right on the ground;
The lamplight falls on all fours on the grass.
When I reach the river, the full moon covers it.
A few people are talking, low, in a boat.
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I
I am driving; it is dusk; Minnesota.
The stubble field catches the last growth of sun.
The soybeans are breathing on all sides.
Old men are sitting before their houses on car seats
In the small towns. I am happy,
The moon rising above the turkey sheds.
II
The small world of the car
Plunges through the deep fields of the night,
On the road from Willmar to Milan.
This solitude covered with iron
Moves through the fields of night
Penetrated by the noise of crickets.
III
Nearly to Milan, suddenly a small bridge,
And water kneeling in the moonlight.
In small towns the houses are built right on the ground;
The lamplight falls on all fours on the grass.
When I reach the river, the full moon covers it.
A few people are talking, low, in a boat.
September 16, 2015
Berlalu
Katanya kita tidak serasi.
Lalu aku berlalu pergi.
Mencari bahagiaku sendiri.
Jauh sudah aku berjalan.
Terasa dipanggil dari kejauhan.
Kau yang pinta aku berlalu,
bila menjauh, kau minta aku mendekat.
Apa yang kau mahu?
Biarkan aku.
Biarkan aku.
Kau dan aku,
katanya tidak mungkin akan bersama.
Jadi,
apa yang kau mahu?
Biarkan aku.
Biarkan aku.
Aku bahagia disini.
Aku bahagia sendiri.
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Lalu aku berlalu pergi.
Mencari bahagiaku sendiri.
Jauh sudah aku berjalan.
Terasa dipanggil dari kejauhan.
Kau yang pinta aku berlalu,
bila menjauh, kau minta aku mendekat.
Apa yang kau mahu?
Biarkan aku.
Biarkan aku.
Kau dan aku,
katanya tidak mungkin akan bersama.
Jadi,
apa yang kau mahu?
Biarkan aku.
Biarkan aku.
Aku bahagia disini.
Aku bahagia sendiri.
September 15, 2015
August 13, 2015
DIA yang utama
Salam,
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Ada masanya kita terlalu benci, benci pada diri kita. Kalau mahu dicampak kesemua sesalan dahulu, tentu berkerah juga tenaga dan segala kudrat aku. Hitam, aku rasa kalau hati aku warnanya putih, sekarang dah hitam pekat tak terlihat putihnya. Katanya setiap dosa akan menambahkan titik hitam pada hati, nah, nak letak mana lagi titik hitam tu, aku pon dah tak tahu. Sepertinya tiada lagi kesan putih di sini.
Ada kalanya aku harap Tuhan dapat bersihkan semula hati aku, macam Dia cuci hati Rasulullah dulu. Demand sangat nak mintak cuci, padahal tahap kasih pada Tuhan masih belum sampai kesitu. Bila didengarkan kisah-kisah wali yang diceritakan ustaz Arab aku setiap hari khamis semasa di UIA dulu, mahu sahaja aku menangis terus. Jauh, terlalu jauh perjalanan aku. Terlalu banyak menyimpang pun satu.
Terasa sesak juga nafas aku menjalani jalan-jalan tahun ini. Ada juga masa aku tersungkur, terlalu banyak sebenarnya. Tapi Tuhan masih bangunkan aku. Sungguh dia masih disisi. Kalau manusia? Bila kita tersungkur, tidaknya dibantu, malah dimarahkan lagi kerana tidak berhati-hati mengorak langkah.
Tak mengapalah. Dia masih ada bukan?
Itu yang utama bukan?
Tapi...
tamat pada bilanya perjalanan ini,
aku takkan bersedia, aku tak pernah bersedia.
Sungguh.
July 9, 2015
Boona Mohammed - SIGNS
Let me take a moment to show some kindness,
To the folks who blindness was a disease that effected the eyes alone,
I promise I won't judge you, I barely know how to love you
And like fools we preach rules, but we don't even follow our own.
Everybody needs comfort,
Some people find it in this; some people find it in that
And some people just don't find it at all.
But this world is full of signs
From the moon to the stars in the sky
From the bees and the bugs, like a seed in your blood
Like a feen to a drug, makes you need to look up
And questions what's up, why you deal with this stuff?
When your spirits are crushed and you trek through the rough
But like thunder it struck, said "Be" and it was
All the signs that were sent, they finally make sense
You feel the torment, so you need to repent
When your heart is cement, it's hard as a brick
Cause your soul is worth more than the dollars and cents,
All the money in the world couldn't buy you happiness
Cause "verily, it is in the remembrance of Allah, that hearts do find rest"
And do not get it confused,
I'm not a scholar or a preacher
I'm just a regular dude, who makes mistakes too
But we are reflections true,
So I cant talk about me without talking about you
And who knew?
We would end up in a place so confused
Where little boys wanna be like little girls and little girls just wanna be abused
Where the terrorize the truth, mentally arrest the youth
Even though there is no law but Allahs' and momma didn't raise no fool.
And who knew?
That expecting the world to treat you fairy because you think you're a good person,
Would be a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian,
You can't begin to learn what you think you already know
In mans own ignorance we forgot that women once watched us grow
And before that you were a tiny ball of flesh without any bones
And before that you were just unknown, and now look behold
You have the arrogance to assume that you just made it on your own?
But what were you but a chewed piece of clot, before the grew
And who knew you would trace you ancestry back to a zoo?
You must have really come from apes with your monkey point of views
Even the devil believes in God, so what does that make you?
And it's true
Sometimes I feel like Noah preaching to a packed empty room
Nobody wanna listen until we start rolling out two by two
I'm a big fan of Abraham; never break-up from Jacob
Joseph had the kind of beauty that you couldn't find in makeup
Moses was to Pharaoh what stones are to arrows
And David to Goliath was truth is to silence
Following, Solomon I'd get down too
Contrary to popular belief, Jesus is my homeboy too.
So peace be upon the whole crew who came to teach what we never knew
Even though few caught the groove, the never turned blue
Never confused what was true even if it was a taboo
Never came for fame or praise but to praise who the prayed too
And who knew?
That an unlettered man from the middle of the desert,
Would change the whole world from darkness into heaven
You may have every title, every big shot degree
But you still can't explain: Alif-Lam-Meem
And who knew?
There would be so many views and way to explain
That he's closer to you than your jugular vein
So if you complain that God must be cruel
Can you give Allah, all that he gives to you?
From the breath that you breath, to the trees that you feed
From the eyes that you see, to the sea that you eat
If I cut you, you bleed, than you heal magically
Were the illest machines, manufactured for means.
The concepts extreme but this world is a dream,
It's not what it seems filled with lies and deceit
The truth is serene so wake up smell the deen
Praises be to He, His Oneness, Supreme
Totally unique, in no need of sleep
Not like you or me, his greatness complete
No partners, no mates, no father, no sons
No discount 3 in 1, just Allah Azwa Jal
Even the birds sing his name,
The Lord of all the worlds
Glory be to He and to Allah is our return
To the folks who blindness was a disease that effected the eyes alone,
I promise I won't judge you, I barely know how to love you
And like fools we preach rules, but we don't even follow our own.
Everybody needs comfort,
Some people find it in this; some people find it in that
And some people just don't find it at all.
But this world is full of signs
From the moon to the stars in the sky
From the bees and the bugs, like a seed in your blood
Like a feen to a drug, makes you need to look up
And questions what's up, why you deal with this stuff?
When your spirits are crushed and you trek through the rough
But like thunder it struck, said "Be" and it was
All the signs that were sent, they finally make sense
You feel the torment, so you need to repent
When your heart is cement, it's hard as a brick
Cause your soul is worth more than the dollars and cents,
All the money in the world couldn't buy you happiness
Cause "verily, it is in the remembrance of Allah, that hearts do find rest"
And do not get it confused,
I'm not a scholar or a preacher
I'm just a regular dude, who makes mistakes too
But we are reflections true,
So I cant talk about me without talking about you
And who knew?
We would end up in a place so confused
Where little boys wanna be like little girls and little girls just wanna be abused
Where the terrorize the truth, mentally arrest the youth
Even though there is no law but Allahs' and momma didn't raise no fool.
And who knew?
That expecting the world to treat you fairy because you think you're a good person,
Would be a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian,
You can't begin to learn what you think you already know
In mans own ignorance we forgot that women once watched us grow
And before that you were a tiny ball of flesh without any bones
And before that you were just unknown, and now look behold
You have the arrogance to assume that you just made it on your own?
But what were you but a chewed piece of clot, before the grew
And who knew you would trace you ancestry back to a zoo?
You must have really come from apes with your monkey point of views
Even the devil believes in God, so what does that make you?
And it's true
Sometimes I feel like Noah preaching to a packed empty room
Nobody wanna listen until we start rolling out two by two
I'm a big fan of Abraham; never break-up from Jacob
Joseph had the kind of beauty that you couldn't find in makeup
Moses was to Pharaoh what stones are to arrows
And David to Goliath was truth is to silence
Following, Solomon I'd get down too
Contrary to popular belief, Jesus is my homeboy too.
So peace be upon the whole crew who came to teach what we never knew
Even though few caught the groove, the never turned blue
Never confused what was true even if it was a taboo
Never came for fame or praise but to praise who the prayed too
And who knew?
That an unlettered man from the middle of the desert,
Would change the whole world from darkness into heaven
You may have every title, every big shot degree
But you still can't explain: Alif-Lam-Meem
And who knew?
There would be so many views and way to explain
That he's closer to you than your jugular vein
So if you complain that God must be cruel
Can you give Allah, all that he gives to you?
From the breath that you breath, to the trees that you feed
From the eyes that you see, to the sea that you eat
If I cut you, you bleed, than you heal magically
Were the illest machines, manufactured for means.
The concepts extreme but this world is a dream,
It's not what it seems filled with lies and deceit
The truth is serene so wake up smell the deen
Praises be to He, His Oneness, Supreme
Totally unique, in no need of sleep
Not like you or me, his greatness complete
No partners, no mates, no father, no sons
No discount 3 in 1, just Allah Azwa Jal
Even the birds sing his name,
The Lord of all the worlds
Glory be to He and to Allah is our return
July 5, 2015
I wish
It was 18th of Ramadhan already. 18 days had passed as swiftly as morning breeze that brushed upon your cheeks. How times seems running so fast and how much important things was left undone, wasted for something petty.
18 days and I look back on how much, no how little I have achieved on this Holy Month.
I'd say if we, start of our life with 100 points and this points are the ones which determined whether we passed to enter Jannah or not. In life, points are added and subtracted, humans are judged by how many points left by the end of his/her life. What if death comes calling for time out, what was left of my points? Will I pass this ultimate test?
If wealth is measured by our Iman & devotions, I'm sure I'm in the state of poverty. It seems to me that I've been lost, blinded by the blinding lights of the worldly things unable to see clearly the beautiful rays of the hereafter.
How I wish I'd do more.
I wish I am richer in terms of iman & devotions.
Have blessful Ramadhan,
pray to Allah, do devotions,
pray to Allah, do devotions,
forgive & seek forgiveness,
you'll never now when your life ends.
this is a personal reminder to myself n those who reads.
this is a personal reminder to myself n those who reads.
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