Waney.S

It just fun to write without being interrupted

May 26, 2017

Rants

Everything takes patience now. Got my first wage. Feel proud of self haha. Still. I ain't buyin anything yet. Coz I havta use it for my next plan and stuffs. Not gonna work for the rest of my life so I will make sure to be organized and systematic in my future plans (may Allah ease). Feels like after this I need to start bringing food from home instead. But always tempted to buy takeouts. But yeah.. hoping that this time I won't have problems with salaries anymore. Hope that I will get my next pay on time and stuff. Hope that things go well. I won't have anything much left. So, yeah. Patience. Be patient is not easy. But I need to suck all the patience in and refrain from buying the things I want.

But food? Food is essential too :)


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May 19, 2017

It’s that fear of…


It’s that fear of sadness and being sad
It’s that fear of being disappointed
It’s that fear of expecting too much after telling yourself not to
It’s that fear of seeing the people you love walk away from you
It’s that fear of loneliness despite the noisiness
It’s that fear of having yourself hurt
It’s that fear of wanting something but not knowing what it is
It’s that fear of having your heart breaks and broken
It’s that fear of having to pick yourself up
It’s that fear of having to walk in bruises
It’s that fear of telling yourself, “Time will heal”
It’s that fear of keeping things to yourself
It’s that fear of having to put up lies, “I’m fine. Thank you.”
It’s that fear of having to weep until you sleep
It’s that fear of forcing yourself to be busy just to make your brain forget
It’s that fear of believing that you don’t deserve to be happy
It’s that fear of growing old alone
It’s that fear of choosing to live in denial over realities
It’s that fear of wondering if you can even love again
It’s that fear of despising romantic love stories and songs
It’s that fear of being loved

Because you fear that you might not be able to return the love
Because you’re not sure if there’s still love left for you to give
Or because you have forgotten how love feels like
Or because you pretend to forget how love feels like
So that if it breaks you, you can pretend that it’s none of your business.


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May 10, 2017

Him

He’s home yet he is not here,
He’s invisible.
He hears me but he stays mute,
He sees me but he stays blind.
He’s the one soul I could not catch,
He’s the spirit that walks through me.
He turns strong by turning me weak,
He’s gone whenever I seek
him.
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April 28, 2017

Many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold

Many people misunderstand the concept of blessing and punishment. Even I was. To us, happiness, wealth and success are the blessings, while sadness, poverty and failure are the punishment. We often have the wrong idea on the purpose of why Allah sends us hardships. Most of the times, happiness is sent not to bless us, but to test us. On quite the opposite way, the sadness, in which many of us usually regard it as His punishment, is actually sent to bless and purify us.

How do we know which one of these things is a blessing, and which one is a punishment? I got this from Yasmin Mogahed’s speech “Hardships and the path to God". She said that a blessing should be able to make you closer to Allah. It is supposed to thicken your faith. Sometimes, it comes as or in a worldly problem such as losing something you love the most. Just because He takes something special away from you, doesn't mean He is punishing you. If after your loss, you find yourself praying to Allah in a way you have never done before, in a way that it thickens your faith and detaches you from the world and its pleasures; it is indeed, a blessing.

On the other hand, a punishment is something that draws you away from Him. It doesn’t matter; it could be a failure and it could also be happiness. I have faced both kinds of punishment; the kind that purifies me, and the kind that blesses me. Maybe it would rather be easier for me to explain it from my personal life examples.

Have you ever sat down and thought, whether what you ask after your prayers is a do’a, or just phrases that you happened to have memorised or practice since you were kids; because you were told by your parents these are the do’a you should recite after your prayers, so you just say the do’a and by the time you realise, you already reach to the last part when you say “Amin”. After that, you fold the praying mat and leave, without really knowing what have you actually asked? That was my mistake. I focus on dunya but no on the Hereafter. Here is a false attachment – my false attachment to this dunya.

The failures I have faced before were the wake-up calls from Allah but I failed to see them in that way. Pain and failures are the wake-up calls from Allah. Allah is trying to tell me, you, all of us… that something is wrong with our attachments; we might have to re-evaluate and correct it before He does.

Now, another way on how to distinguish between punishment and blessing is to look at the results. If the results make you feel ungrateful and make you ask Him “Why?” then it is a sign of punishment. Then again, punishment is not really a bad thing, because punishment is not meant to punish you, but to purify you. I define “purify” as a given chance for you to readjust your intention. When one’s heart has been purified, the person should be able to see what was wrong in his previous doings, where did he put his expectations and hopes on, before he can set it right.

Now, that is a punishment to purify you… but what about happiness sent to test you?

My past experiences taught me that when someone tries to correct us and we feel offended, that hard blow thrown at us is what makes me remember more and eventually, we will learn to accept. As I said earlier, most people tend to misinterpret happiness for being blessing. Again, a blessing is supposed to move you closer to Him

I’m not trying to show that I'm perfect. To be honest, sometimes, I wonder about His plans by keep on asking why this and that, why me?! But now, the more I wonder, the more I believe He has something really special for me. "On those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning." Qur'an, 39:10. 

Understanding all this made me realize where does the term “blessings in disguise” come from. The blessings don’t have necessarily come after the hardships but it could also be that the blessings have been with us all this while. Like the quote from Maurice Setter, "Too many people miss the silver lining because they're expecting gold”, yea..


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April 14, 2017

Oh NO!


Sometimes, I think poetry is just like vegetables.
I remember when I was young and when vegetables (you name it: carrots, cabbages etc) were the biggest enemies I’ve ever known. They tasted like hate and usually came along with either my father or mother’s punch line “Eat it or you’re not getting (insert anything desirable here)”.
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April 9, 2017

A Diamond

Every diamond is strong,
never born blind,
whatever comes along.
To be born in this land,
that always shines,
as a gift to humankind.
A sparkling diamond from the mines,
would awaken a sleeping moon,
across all the lines.
Stop all the mourn,
be guided to right path,
every moment you are not alone,
and live a life full of faith.
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March 24, 2017

Smile because it happened

I have cried, smiled, wept, and laughed. I have been liked, disliked, loved, and ignored. Some of these experiences will remain forever a flower in my heart, some of them will go and be washed away with times. I have lived a life, not yet long enough to claim for wisdom, but surely long enough to say for certain that five years from now, I will probably forget those that make me cry, weep, feel ignored, and everything else trivial but I will never forget those that make me smile, laugh, feel loved and everything else that even lines of a poem can't do justice. Thank you for those who've wished me wonderful things, warmed me with words, cheered me up with hugs and gifts. And for those who gave me warmed wishes and written notes, you guys really made my day. Terima kasih. I can't thank you enough :)
 
 
 
DKSH (Oct 14- Mar 17)
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March 13, 2017

Tenggol Island


 












 
 
Ex UIA reunion katanya :) #UIAbest #tripTenggol17 #TSG #kasijadi #tsgtravelogue #TenggolIsland #panggilanPulau #vitaminSea #beachgurl #beachboy #whyhidewhenyoucanexplore #dungun #terengganu #malaysia #southeastasia #weekendgateway
 
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