Ayah. Love

There's something about having a father that makes you feel more secure.

It doesn't matter if his belly is bloated and he don't even know a thing about martial arts.

When he is there in your life, you know there's always one person that gets worry about you and will protect you with whatever shit you have to face.

It's different now.

Somehow now you feel more secluded from the world.

You want something, but you don't really care if you have it either.

You have vision, but it seem clouded and you aren't that eager now.

Everything seems pointless.

Detach. Yes, that's the word for it.

And one thing, you learn to live by yourself.

You learn to be super independent, more independent than you already are.

Yes, there's whole family supporting you but no, it's not the same.

Not the same anymore.

The secure feeling you had for this world is gone now.

So you have to gear up yourself to make it secure.

It's hard really.

Now you got it. Finally I blurted out something about it.

All this while I act cool and compose.

Smiling as if nothing happen. 

No, I don't lament.

I moved on. I packed my bags and let him take the bus.

The bus will take him home.

While I walk to the opposite road.

To the unknown.

Until one day the bus driver decide to take a turn 

and honk me. And he'll be waiting in the door, shoving his hand saying,

"Hey, wanna take a ride home? You look tired, it's time to go back". 

No, I'm not tired. But who knows, who knows.

I don't, when he's gone. We might as well be prepared.

No, I don't lament.

But it's not a sin to miss someone that you love so much in this world.

You love MOST.

Right?

It's not a sin, 

to miss him so much, it pierce your heart.
Right? 

And today, is one of the day

when your heart feel like breaking.

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Note to self

"Your relationship with Allah is the 

most important than anything in this world because 

you know for sure that's the only

relationship that last forever"

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Kembali

Aku singgah semula ke sini, 
kerana dunia lain seakan mencengkam, dan membunuh jiwa aku.

Bukan ini bukan persinggahan. 
Ini rumah aku di alam maya, tempat aku lari semula untuk terus kembali waras.

p/s: Dan aku kembali mengisi kalian dengan dua puisi (?) yang aku simpan dalam kota draft aku buat sekian lama. Aku post keduanya sebab rasanya macam bertepatan dengan situasi aku sekarang. Heh, konon.

Dah. Bai. *awkward*

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End

Musim musim ginilah paling aku anticipate sekali sebenarnya.

Lagi sebulan sahaja tinggal before I can finally say goodbye to this freaking hell of a semester. Exactly 4 weeks left, with one week of classes, 1 week of revision period, 2 weeks of finals. Yeay!

Kau tak boleh bayangkan betapa suckass-nya aku semester ni.

Kegagalan utama aku mestilah dengan LE 4000,

yg akhirnya aku decide untuk drop di saat2 akhir dan mengorbankan separuh dari rm 1k demi utk meng-withdraw subject nakharomm ni. Pape pon all is well, its an expensive lesson to pay but it's all worth it. Aku rasa satu beban berat dah hilang serta merta. 

Still, jalan nak ke penghujung itu masih panjang.

Aku masih ada lagi few assignment nak kena submit, dalam 4 gitu la gamaknya.

Dan lagi 2 presentation. haromm tak harommm.

Oh ya! Aku ada lagi satu play untuk dipentaskan.

(For once in my life, I can't wait to get over with this theater thing)

One thing yang aku sedar pasal sem ni, aku jarang menulis dan merepek meraban macam selalu. Aku perlu merepek selalu sebenarnya, sebab aku rasa bila aku tak merepek macam serabut sangat kepala dan hidup aku. Hidup aku perlu dipenuhi dengan tulis dan kata-kata, at least some of my thoughts dah di-written down somewhere. Too much thoughts can kill you. Aku rasa aku patut aktif menulis merepek meraban semula, macam dulu2. In blog, in journal, planner, any paper I can find. Aku perlu!

Ada lah kat mana ntah, aku ada baca, to be more positive and happy in life, we need to count our blessings. Tulis every good thing that ever happen in my life. Dulu selalulah buat, mungkin sebab tu dulu aku macam tak berapa nak serabut kot. Makanya aku perlulah kembali dengan perangai buat2 list semua ni (walaupun aku still buat tapi mostly pasal asgnment sajoh). Oh oh! 2013 dah nak habis, mungkin kita patut lihat semua yang dah kita capai after all this year & anticipate for more di tahun hadapan. 

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