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December 30, 2013

Ayah. Love

There's something about having a father that makes you feel more secure.
It doesn't matter if his belly is bloated and he don't even know a thing about martial arts.
When he is there in your life, you know there's always one person that gets worry about you and will protect you with whatever shit you have to face.

It's different now.
Somehow now you feel more secluded from the world.
You want something, but you don't really care if you have it either.
You have vision, but it seem clouded and you aren't that eager now.
Everything seems pointless.

Detach. Yes, that's the word for it.

And one thing, you learn to live by yourself.
You learn to be super independent, more independent than you already are.
Yes, there's whole family supporting you but no, it's not the same.
Not the same anymore.

The secure feeling you had for this world is gone now.
So you have to gear up yourself to make it secure.

It's hard really.

Now you got it. Finally I blurted out something about it.
All this while I act cool and compose.
Smiling as if nothing happen. 

No, I don't lament.
I moved on. I packed my bags and let him take the bus.
The bus will take him home.
While I walk to the opposite road.
To the unknown.
Until one day the bus driver decide to take a turn 
and honk me. And he'll be waiting in the door, shoving his hand saying,
"Hey, wanna take a ride home? You look tired, it's time to go back". 

No, I'm not tired. But who knows, who knows.
I don't, when he's gone. We might as well be prepared.

No, I don't lament.
But it's not a sin to miss someone that you love so much in this world.
You love MOST.

It's not a sin, 
to miss him so much, it pierce your heart.

And today, is one of the day
when your heart feel like breaking.

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