GBH 16/1/16

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2016

Well, hello there. It's been a while. It feels like meeting an old friend.

I should penned this somewhere. Somewhere that I might come across someday.

I tend to forget things. My mind is a mess, cluttered with unnecessary thoughts. I don't know what went wrong really but it's becoming a mess now. There are two basis for this circumstances. Number one: That's what happen to everyone when you grow up; you're mind becomes so cluttered you don't even know where to begin with. Or number two: I tend to bottled things up instead of writing it down. I don't know how to keep reminding myself again and again or even to find the time to do it but I really think writing things down helps. Even more so, I think it's becoming more important now that I've grown up and have much to say but kept it all in my mind. 

Oh, by the way, hello adulthood! I am now a working adult. Graduated and about to leave my mark on this work (yeah, right). I must say that working life is hell if you stuck in a job you hate. In the midst of not writing about any updates or whatsoever about my life, I'd done a part time job during my second year of undergrad, graduated, get a practical job as a teacher while keeping up my part time job &quit my first full time job because I hate it and get a new job.

 

I really wish I could write it all down in slower pace, with more details and stuff so that my future generation could read it later but now, it seems a bit too overwhelming to write up posts on everything that's happening. Anyhow, I promise myself to keep writing. I want to get back to writing things down on a diary, on this blog or anywhere. A personal blog where I can discuss more on serious matter - my thoughts on issue I considered important, inspirations and more. I'm also thinking of a blog where I can write about Islam or at least what I think of the beauty of my religion is. But that's probably will not happen in near future (but I will keep it in my mind). 

If I were to become a writer cum activist who inspire and empower people (HAHA, yeah right), I need to start doing something now. That is to start writing seriously in a medium where I can reach the masses and to work on a non-profit organisation so that I can gain as many experience and contacts before working on my own cause. 

p/s: I guess this is my first post for 2016 (wow! see how dusty this blog is?), so....HELLO 2016!

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Great Loss

 

 

I look around:

The earth – beautiful.

The nature - green and alive.

The air - refreshing.

Ah! Who’s the Creator behind all these?

Every corner in this world - not ours.

Every breath that we take – temporary.

One day,

It shall stop without asking us

Are we good enough to be

great Muslims?

Are we deserving of heaven

or not?

Many - ungrateful

They treat earth and its content so badly.

Yet, they forget that

He is watching and observing

days and nights

eternally.

Haven’t we realised even a bit of it?

Such a great great loss

What a great great loss.

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Jogjakarta

There's a first time for everything.

And I wanna THANKS A LOT to my very beautiful friends yang sudi teman saya jalan2 pusing Jogja. especially Arga, Aisya, Nila, Mas Didit, Ika etc. Thanks juga Iman cos introduce me to Arga. They are all very nice, walaupun perkenalan ni terlalu singkat tapi ia sangat berharga. Im looking forward to meet you guys next time. and All the best in your studies! ;)

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Unless...

All this time,
after you've built walls to keep people away.
After you wear a different skin, a solemn mask to
shed tears and emotions into invisibility.
After you promise to never trust.
After you said to yourself to never fall.
After nights of pain and agony.
After nights of trying to forgive.
After days and months of building a fort.
After being convinced that men are emotionless deceitful human being.
After you feeling ready to face this world alone.
After making plans and dreams with only you in the picture.
After you are about to sail away.


You meet someone,
and you start to question.
What has come over me?

I wish you knew before all these afters.

But it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Unless....

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Yet to figure it out

There is almost a distant feeling when you grow up, or realise that you are a grown person. 

Past seems like a memory you wish will never fade so that you can cling to it. Tug it close to your chest like hugging a precious teddy bear of your childhood. A warmth comfort but lifeless still.

I wish I can let go of it, say that I won't need it any more. Too much I heard them saying that we should never look at our past, life moves on. Yet life as a grown person can be melancholy and poignant, sometimes. If not most of the times. Therefore the only way to bring the colours to the film is by bringing the memories that are colourful - the memory of past. Of childhood, of growing up, of adolescent, of youth. 

Of innocent, of naivety, of ignorance, of not knowing yet.

The irony is that as you grow up, you realise you are still in the state of now knowing yet maybe for forever. However, they expect you to know or at least, to act like you know. But really, who in this world knows and have it all figure out? Is there such person?

Well, I guess clearly for this case, we all already figure out the answer.

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The tragedy of existence

  I can't catch a breath nowadays. I have this overwhelming fluster about people. They are everywhere. One person keeps on texting me Good Mornings and Good Nights. The other just keeps on asking me to do stuffs. Some just keep asking how am I doing, what am I going to do, this that, this that. Grrrrr. OK. It wasn't that bad but I can't handle people right now. They are too many and I felt like running away from the mass. But I simply can't. So what do I do? I read. Yes. I read a lot. Ironic how this one is the most busiest but I have time to do so. Reading to me has become an escape rope. To be honest, always have. Even my choice of movies has moved to Fantasy. I love how unknown worlds actually exist, though just in movies, I'd prefer to say they do. Rewatching LOTR: The Two Towers made me want to live in it. No. I want to be in Stardust instead. If I were in it, I shall be with the pirates catching lightnings. Sailing and flying, I'm in wanderlust. But yes, with one condition, no human, please. But then, how do I manage a ship without a crew? Heh.

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Rindu

Buat sekalian kalinya, aku rindu ruang ini.
tempat aku memuntahkan buah fikir dan rasa yang terperangkap.


 Aku fikir aku boleh hadap semua bising-bising dunia virtual tapi ini tempat terbaik aku untuk merasakan enaknya sendiri. Aku rindu sendiri. Aku rindu berkata tanpa ada yang mengadili. Aku rindu menari-nari di ruang luas sebegini, Aku harus akui, terlalu terikut dengan keasyikan ruang kecil itu. Tapi sejujurnya apa yang dapat aku lunaskan dalam 140 patah perkataan itu, mahupun dalam sekeping gambar itu? Tiada.




Jadi, aku kembali ke sini.

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