Because I am scared

I feel scared to browse the Internet, to browse down my Twitter timeline and Facebook newsfeed;
because I am scared of what I might find, see or read;

Of people who love to criticise one another without learning how to empathise;

Of 'religious people' and how they love to jump at others with their haram fatwa and make everybody look so wrong and sinful.

The truth is...

I am scared of all these people,

of all these things.

I log in to my Twitter and only dare to stay on my Interaction and Mention page.

I log in to my Facebook and keep my eyes at the notifications ONLY.

I log in to my Instagram only if I receive notifications.

Because I am scared.

Because I'm scared of the word, "HARAM" and the conversations that follow after it.

I am scared.

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Starbucks and VS

There's something about standing
   between a perfume and a coffee shop,
the blend of bittersweet smell;
the living tale of love and hate,
tells well when you're standing
   between a perfume and a coffee shop.

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Why do I have to fall in love with the wrong persons?

I constantly ask myself this question, “Why do I have to fall in love with the wrong persons? Is it necessary? Are the feelings are a test from Allah or are they just a matter of our own nafs? I wish someone or a scholar could talk and elaborate more on this in the light of al-Qur’an.”

But the truth is, I or any of us don’t need a scholar to explain to us why, because if we have faith, if our relationship with Allah is good, if Allah is always in our heart, if we keep our life busy with the remembrance of Allah, if we practice what the people of taqwa do, if we lower our gaze, if we know what are differences between nafs, dunya and His eternal gifts in Jannah, if we really understand our purpose in this dunya, if we recognize our duty to perfecting our religion and our love to Allah before our love to His creations, if we understand well the concept of worldly pleasures and attachment – we wouldn’t never feel lonely or being rejected, or being wronged or being in the state of broken-hearted because of our unreturned love we have with some random guys we have a crush on, who probably would not realize our existence or could not care less about us. We wouldn’t even fall in love at the first place.

The truth is that – it is actually as simple as that. But we humans always make things complicated. We mess our life up with our own desires then when we fall, we blame life and ask Allah “Why this? Why me?”

Because our definition of happiness is, "When someone we love, loves us back." But we forget about His love, and Mercy that the Qur'an has described, surpasses the love of a mother to her son; the love that He gives and pours on us every single day and night. We don't care about The One up there who always loves us, who always with us to listen to our problems, who returns us His love but so often, we keep His love unreturned.

O Allah, pls forgive us :(

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Still stuck in reverse

people in your life will come and go like ships that harbours on an island.


some may stay longer, 
many may swiftly go away.
a few will never leave you 
and decide to stay forever.


i believe that they are people that come across your life,
knowing you a little but that just is.
maybe some of them will remember you, 
perhaps because of one small yet significant role you've played in their life.


some, will get to know you  deeper, 
but not close enough for you to pour everything out.
they'll stay in your life long enough.


but they are a few, so small in number, perhaps two or three, 
that know all your deepest and dirtiest little secrets in life,
but still stay with you and accept it wholeheartedly.
they don't judge your past, and see you only as what you are in the present,
and yet optimistically believe you'll be better in future. 
even if you're not, they don't care about it anyway.  


but it's hard to find these people. 
for many of them, once told, will judge you,
and won't see you as they see you before.


but they are all the same. 
they are your friend, ur loved ones or perhaps, strangers.
they are people who owns a heart just like you.


i hope i'll be able to meet every one of them.
n sail in the ship of friendship.
and learn as much as many from them.
make as many memories with them
before their ships start sailing away. 

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Dia

Dia
cantik
tampaknya lembut 
bersantun
sesuai 




Saya?
tiada apa
hanya ada cinta yang disimpan 
berkarat di dalam laci hati

:(

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VIPER CHALLENGE 5/11/2016

 

 

Yeayyy I survived Viper Arena 21KM 21 Obstacles! @ Sepang International Circuit

 

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"He exists."

#fiction

I stopped typing the forever hateful Management Paper. Suddenly, the whole world felt in place; the weather was right, people are annoying as Hell for sure, but it was this wonderful serenity just swiped through and said, "He exists."

And he exists in a way he thought to be boring and monotonous but none that he knew how desperately I need him day after another. How funnily clueless he could be most of the times and it tears me because I might accidentally left a wrong note to myself on how perfect he is.

In which he is.

Work that day was as usual plain and sometimes hellish. I looked at my phone screen wishing to see his texts but nope, that day he was a bit caught up at work. And my heart raced with the thought of how much I miss this man it's almost time for me to grab onto the Drama Queen title. It was only two weeks since the last I saw him and it's killing on the inside, to my surprise. Because none have done this to me before.

Sometimes I like to remind myself on not to be the slave of love. To just love a little so that the hurt won't hurt as much.

I was wrong. Love was wronged. I looked at it the wrong way.

So be it the degree of feelings, hurt shall happen and why am I so obsessed about not getting hurt? Finding the right shoes might not let you slip and fall but they could still cut you if you wear them too often. Especially those fancy ones with heels. Damn those heels. Making me wear band-aids because they're new and my feet are still adjusting to the length and width.

See. What I need is not to love less because that might not be achieved. What I truly need is patience. Be patient and pray that he will be stationed here, because when I thought I'm stronger than this, I'm not. I need him to be near. :'(

 

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SEMPORNA 7 Island

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