Firstly, thank God, someone borrowed me his laptop and now
I have got a lot of things to write. I used to dream of being a writer,
specifically, a food and travelling writer not so long ago. But for some
reasons, I lost interest on pursuing it. For the past couple of years, I came
across few things and people that made me ask myself questions like, "Am I
talented enough to be a writer?" To speak precisely, I did not think my
English was good enough to qualify myself for this job. I did not think my
English was eloquent enough for me to write sentences that can draw readers in.
I thought, if I wanted to be a writer, by this time, I should already be able
to write grammatically; confidently.
Yes. That's what my real excuse: English. Good
English speaks confidence. And my English is lack of confidence.For a while, I
withdrew my intention of being a writer. I told to myself, I overrated my
writing skill for no good reason. I was being too ambitious. I wanted to be
someone of whom shoes are too big for my average-sized feet to put in.I began
to doubt myself about many things. There would be a debate going on in my mind
whose motion was, "Writers are born; not trained." Most of the times,
I spoke on behalf of the Government - explaining to myself how I was
never born to be a writer. And most of the times, the Me in the Government won
and the Me in the Opposition lost.
Recently, I was asked by a few friends of mine about
whether I am interested in becoming a writer. They said, a columnist suits me
very well. Some convinced me, that my English is reader-friendly to people
who know, speak and use simple English. One of them said, I have this
unique way of explaining things, which, reminds me of the comment written by my
Poetry teacher back in my university life, "I love the way you explain
your ideas" on my essay paper on A Rose for Emily's analysis. The
other one said, my thoughts are inspiring, I should write and make it as a side
income, if not as a full-time career. And I replied their comments with
the same explanation I gave to myself, "My English is not that good."
Last week, I wrote an e-mail to a lecturer of mine, sort
of a letter actually. I got a reply from her in which she wrote, "Only God
knows the satisfaction and joy when I read my students' letters to me. You
write beautifully. I'm so proud of you. I see so much improvement in you when I
was reading your letter. Keep it up. Stay strong." I was not anticipating
for that kind of reply. All I wanted was for her to know what I've always
thought about her. The least I expected, was a thank you reply.Deep down, I
felt a spark of hope.
Maybe, I was not born to be a writer. Maybe, I was born to
be trained to be one.I look back and try to find what is it that I always have
in me. And I realise, writing essay is something I enjoy doing the most
ever since I knew how to hold a pencil. When I was in the secondary school, I
was known to be the student who always scored well in Karangan Bahasa Melayu.
During Bahasa Melayu test, other students would only write two page maximum for
one essay question; but me on the other hand, would write three pages and more,
for one essay question. Writing an essay is not just a matter of writing
down introduction, thesis statement, points, body paragraph and conclusion. For
me, writing an essay is about how we tell readers about ourselves through our
words, style of writing and way of explaining without having to specifically
tell them that we are this-and-that.
Our introduction; how we make readers feel welcomed
without having to lamely say a hello. Our way of presenting ideas; how we
make our elaboration interesting. Our point of view; what vehicle we
choose to take readers on to a trip and let them see the world from behind our
orbit.
Our ways of organising points.
The cohesion. That little details we tend to spend
time on: the choice of words, the use of adverbials to convey our degree of
certainty on issues we address. The reason behind the subject chosen to be
in the initial position in a sentence. Are we a "present-tense fan"
or a "past-tense fan." I would say, I am a "present-tense
fan." I want my readers to notice this fact, that I'm an appreciative
person through my choice of tenses. I like present-tense because I believe it
conveys appreciation. It makes facts sound convincing. It gives youth and life
to our story, sense of being alive instead of dead. It makes things closer to
us as well as to our readers, compared to past tense, which makes things so far
away from us; old, outdated and forgotten. This whole thing needs a
bit of psychology, discourse analysis and of course, one huge bowl of
creativity and ample amount of practice.
And there is a reason why I enjoy writing for Literature
more than Linguistics; because Literature allows me to be emphatic. It allows
me to embody my emotion in my written words. Unlike Literature, Linguistics
requires me to be serious and it even disallows the word 'very' which it sees
as a form of exaggeration. Where, exaggeration is linked with emotion, and
emotion is an opposite of rationale hence the reason why it is discouraged.
I have always been the person who enjoys writing a letter.
Sometimes, I could write four to five paragraphs just to thank people. I value
handwritten and snail-mailed letters, postcards and greetings cards more than
anything.
And as I go on, I'm beginning to believe that to be a
writer is an option worth a shot.
If good English speaks confidence, then improving English
speaks determination.
And right now, if someone asks me what I want to be, I
would answer,
"I want to be a writer"
and soothingly sip the cup of
coffee in my hand; smiling.
